1. The other week I saw the fifty dollar Terry Richardson Lady Gaga photo book on sale for $9.95 at Barnes and Noble. You can be the alpha bitch one minute and the next you’re in the corner shivering and showing everyone your lipstick. But for some reason people still remember fearless divas like St. Francis of Assisi, Johnny Appleseed, and the Peace Pilgrim. I don’t love everything those three fame whores did but it is kind of weird that they were barely ever on television. If all you can say is “I’m a super star” and that phrase isn’t followed by the word “for” then there’s a pretty good chance that you’re pretty forgettable.
2. If you haven’t spayed and neutered your pets you’re probably not a good person. I’m judging you, I don’t respect you, and I think you’re fat and ugly.
3. The following individuals have great taste: Jane Goodall, Wangari Maathai, Carolee Schneeman, Cesar Chavez, Isabella Rossellini, Odin, Alex the Parrot, Equilibrio Azul, Walt Whitman, Roger Payne, Alan Rabinowitz, Carl Safina, Catwoman, Balder, Jose and Maria De Silva, Loukanis the riot dog, Gary Snyder, Dolly Parton, Joseph Beuys, George Fox, Freya, Koko the Gorilla, Western Watersheds, Birute Galdikas, Adelino Ramos, Bill Lishman, Steve Irwin, and Alan Mootnick.
4. Do you think you’re better off alone? Talk to me.
5. If you’re thinking about calling me a hippie or a primitivist or something just think about what I’m thinking about calling you. I can’t really stop myself from thinking about what you’re thinking about or thinking about what to call you but I’ll try not to say anything mean if you think about something mean to say about me. Just think about it.
6. So far, I think Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child is a great show. That family does what they want and stays true to themselves and they don’t worry about what other people think and I admire that about them. June is a good mother who never made any of her children do something that they didn’t want to do. Anyone who goes out of their way to make mean or disparaging remarks about that family is just trying to make themselves feel better about something. Maybe Elana will become the next Miley Cyrus but until that mess happens I think they’re on the right track.
7. Don’t do that to yourself, you are so loved.